The Last Word

Son, in my day I'd take that dollar and go buy a pound o' baloney and a couple loafs o' bread and still have some change left to go and shoot pool or something. But you don't just want baloney and billiards. You want all that and dancing girls and fancy walkie-talkies that shoot laser beams and flying cars. Son, we didn't have all that in my day. So? So look how I turned out. I'm fine. I did just fine without it. So? So I'm going to deprive you of it.
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

The Littlest Boo-Boo

Cut! What are you doing, London-6? That wasn't in the script! Now you've shaken water all over the star's hair and make-up. Time is money, London-6. You see this cattle prod? Does it bring back any memories? Don't make me call in London-7 and retire your ass. We can easily copy those markings with shoe polish, you know. Okay. Roll.
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© 2007, 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Not Like That, Like This

I just thought of how the hand could be artificially modified for enhanced guitar playing. This might be an option for ambitious musicians in the future. All fingers should meet the palm on a rotating base. Knuckles and sub-knuckles should be refitted to bend sideways in either direction. The Russians might be ahead of us on this technology, given their success with surgeries on Red Army hockey goalies. On the other hand, my new JVC HA-S150 headphones have pivoting phones. They are also very plush and stay clean sounding at the higher volumes. A good deal for $29.95 (plus tax) at London Drugs.
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Just Bluffing

I still think you're beautiful, Noam. (As an artist, you know what I mean.) And I hope you can keep serving the public for another fifty years because we need you.
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Pro Tool

Scientists have worked wonders in improving our standard of living at home. Our homes are generally very comfortable here in the Western world. But we usually can't spend all of our time there. We have to go to work and pay for it all. I'm not putting these great minds down. I think they might simply be distracted with other ideas. But I saw something on Star Trek one time that I was hoping someone would have invented by now. It's a device for lifting heavy weights called an anti-grav. This thing is far superior to a forklift. It's portable. You can take it up a staircase. You can attach it with a magnet to any heavy object and it makes it light as a feather. I know that, from a scientists's point of view, within laboratories filled by test tubes and computers, we are living in a wondrous, technological age. But I'm almost certain they weren't participating when all the heavy stuff was being brought in by labourers whose view of the modern age might not differ much from a scientists's view of ancient Rome. With anti-gravs, accidents would be reduced. Like when you are clutching the plastic wrapping of an industrial fridge from the top and trying to pull it toward you. Your hand slips and you punch your nose very hard. And it starts to bleed, so you have to tilt your head back to finish the job, and then you can't see your feet to tell you to stop walking backwards before you go tumbling off a third floor balcony, with the fridge not falling fast enough - as Galileo proved - to land below or beside you, rather than on top of you. The problem's never going to be solved as long as everyone keeps making the other guy move the washing machine up the stairs for them. If these scientists had to do it for themselves, we'd probably have some results out of them by now in this area.
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Trespassers Will Be Proselytized

There's a saying, rules are meant to be broken. It's not a slogan for crime. It's a guidepost for free thinkers. The rules tell you everything except one thing. They don't admit that they are incapable of flexing themselves around every situation that arises. They just expect you to know that already. They are to be followed, but not to the letter. The fundamental rules are usually so practical that they follow themselves. Even I stop for red lights. It's only the finer details that might need some fine tuning here and there. And it takes a free thinking person to do it. A person with a good, strong mind will not merely look at the rules in a certain situation, but at the situation, itself. You're new on the job in a cafe. A customer comes in and, noticing you are new, tells you he's been buying coffee there every morning for four years. You might conclude that this customer is telling the truth. After all, he knew you were new. The customer wants a coffee on credit. You weigh the risks. A cup of coffee won't be missed, even if the guy is lying. Odds are 99% that you can let him walk out safely with a borrowed coffee.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Dissent into Madness

For a while I amused myself with documentaries about mass manipulation and mind control. The search words inevitably led to the works of some well known alarmists. When you're a restless bachelor listening to one of these types at some indecent hour, your guard is likely to be down. You may be looking for thrills more than information. It is thrilling to think, however erroneously, that you are privy to some hidden master plan for global domination. You can go ahead and list all your statistics for me. Show me all your evidence. Do it openly, just like the man on the radio. Except, if the government were as evil and as brutally dictatorial as he claims, it's unlikely you'd be hearing from him and even more unlikely that I'd be hearing from you on the matter. Sophie Scholl just spread pamphlets around. She didn't even open her mouth. They decapitated her. What do you think would happen to one of these guys now? Some of the claims seem credible. 911 was a little fishy. But these people that go off half-cocked, levelling groundless accusations in every vaguely suspicious direction ought to be seen and heard for what they essentially are. Listen to what you like. Please, just don't push it on me. I might be single, but I don't wish to appear any more pathetic than I do already.
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Justice Is Blind as a Bat

Batman likes to think he knows justice, but I couldn't understand why he thinks the jewellery store should have all the jewels. Then I remembered that beneath his costume he is millionaire, Bruce Wayne. When watching Batman, we must try to remember that. He's out to protect his people more than anyone else. And, after all, they have the most stuff to protect. But that's not justice for people like us. I only hope that, one day, I can afford to change my opinion on this.
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Doctor Who: The Daleks (The Dead Planet) Part Two

I say, Doctor, it's remarkable how you've genetically modified this biscuit! Why, the first bite tastes like eggs, and the next tastes like bacon. Have another bite. Why, how extraordinary! It tastes precisely like Yorkshire pudding! That's my favourite dessert! And you? How did you like your biscuit? Woof! Woof! Oh, ha ha! We forgot to put his translator on. There. Try it now. I say, old boy, how did you like that biscuit I gave you? Amazing, Doctor! How did you do it? Why, the first bite tasted like Kibbles. And the very next bite tasted like Bits! Remarkable! Utterly remarkable! Have another bite. Well, I'm afraid I can't do that. You see, I consumed the entire biscuit in two bites. And, as long as we're still on the subject, I'm still rather hungry.
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Green and Mean

Are we off the air? Good. Now, Rusty, you go out and let the peasants know I'm coming to collect the taxes. Tell 'em they better not be short this time or I'll step on their new barn. God damn hydro bills are getting outrageous in this castle. How the fuck can we heat up the place with this tiny fireplace? Might be big enough for you, but it doesn't do shit for me. And let my cousin in the factory know the pea shipment will be on time. After we're done shaking down those bums, we'll put 'em to work all night harvesting. Ain't no free rides in this estate.
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Wakey Wakey

I still haven't figured out how to stop my computer from falling asleep. It's too lethargic, I think Sometimes only its monitor pedestal falls asleep. Then it loses all sensation in its keyboard, much to my frustration. The only way to wake it back up is to restart it so it can hear that loud chord.
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You Looking at Me?

While my style of laundry washing may seem odd, it is my preferred method. Each of my clothes need individual attention as they are being washed. The machine treats my socks and undies as though they were one load. Big mistake. More like three of my socks equals one load. (Do cut me some slack in the summertime or after a sweaty job.) I, on the other hand, can don my plastic gloves and fill the tub with hot water, keeping my liquid detergent available in whatever amounts may be needed. If the water turns to mud, I know I have to fill it again and wash it some more. Each garment receives close inspection while it is being washed and rinsed. And socks with holes are removed and thrown into a fire. (I made a little campfire out of sticks on my porch. But don't worry, I put some stones I found in the driveway around it, to stop it from spreading.) I don't see how me doing my laundry should attract any more attention than someone else having a backyard barbecue.
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For Those that Like to Rock

Look up. Way up. Hi there, children. Welcome to my castle. It looks like styrofoam cups were used with wet sand to make the outside of it, but the bricks are visible on the inside, where they decrease in size as they lie closer to ground level, in your domain. Come take a gander at this rooster! Look! It's a rooster in a bag! Poking out of a bag with a little pumpkin on his head! You know what the other word for rooster is, don't you? It's chicken. Hi, Rusty! That's right! It's Hallowe'en! And we got someone extra special for you boys and girls. Someone with an extra long neck! He's about to poke his head through the window any moment here. Hey, Jerome! Now, children, I know we promised you a visit from the psychoanalyst today to tell us about his fascinating job, but he hung up on me when I called him...
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